Weekly readings

Every week a new short story will be posted to this section of the site for your viewing pleasure. I hope you enjoy! Remember, Constructive criticism is always welcome so please leave your response to the current works in the comment boxes that will be placed after every entry! Responses could range from whether or not you liked the story to how it made you feel, ect. 

FIRST ENTRY
 Beautiful Black Woman with a heart full of hate.

Dear Beautiful Black Woman,

       I’m writing you this letter to tell you that there are no words that could describe exactly what you mean to me.  Just the thought of you is enough to trigger passionate infatuation.  You claim you are underappreciated.  You claim that we black men think women of other races are more exotic.  Well I personally think any man who would believe such a thing is more than a fool. Can’t you see, I was made for you, just as you were made for me. Our bodies fit together perfectly, like lock and key. Good god how I love the taste of your lips. How I crave the touch of your skin. The way your beautiful body reacts to my touch.   I love how the sound of the rain falling outside creates the perfect backdrop for the deep moans of our most intimate conditions.  I love your skin, and your deep eyes, in all their different shades and colors.

     My extreme fascination with you extends far beyond the likes of just our physical relationship.  The truth of the matter is-I guess to put it simply- I wonder you. I could spend hours on end starting into those pretty eyes, trying to figure out exactly what you’re thinking.  To be perfectly honest, I admire you.  You have always been so much smarter than me.  No matter how great I thought I was, you were always one step ahead of me. I find comfort in knowing that should I ever find myself ignorant to any subject you are always around to educate me. You claim Black men find that threatening-but me- I look up to it.  You were always there as something I could look up to, something to keep me moving foreword.  Under your influence my beautiful black woman, I noticed my own intelligence rise.  I am the man I am today because of your subtle influence, and for that I am eternally grateful.

     Why am I telling you all of this you ask? I cast aside foolish pride and reveal these feelings only because I want for you to understand.  I want you to hear what I have never been able to say aloud. I’m sure you know as well as I that the world we live in was not made to cater to out needs.  Quite to the contrary actually, this world was set up for us to fail.  We are assumed to be ignorant and unintelligent.  Everywhere we turn there are things that cause us to doubt ourselves. To question who we are, our appearances, our ways of thinking.  I have walked through the darkness of this world just as you have and I have noticed your strength.  Truthfully my beautiful black woman you are both far smarter and far stronger than I am.  Honestly, I’m not that strong, or at least I wasn’t in the beginning. I guess that may have something to do with why I admire you so.  I have seen you do things my beautiful black woman, seen you endure things that I know would surely break me in two.  I guess what I’m trying to say- my beautiful black woman- is that I believe in you.  I believe that no matter what this world throws your way, you shall overcome.

     It is that strength, your strength that strengthens me.  With the breath of your words and intentions as the wind in my sails, I have conquered much with the life that you have given me.  With you as my inspiration I have overcome every obstacle placed in my path, and will overcome many more in the days yet to come.  As I move headstrong towards the future, towards the realization of all my hopes and dreams, I often spare brief and quiet moments to ponder you and all your complexity.  Knowing you have dreams of your own that like me you hold sacred, I would never ask you to forsake them.  Realize that my ardent wish be only that our dreams exist as we do, side by side. My beautiful Black Woman I wish only to be there at your side, as you become the woman you were destined to be.  To become a part of your journey to the top as you have become such a big part of mine.

      My beautiful Black woman I’m writing this letter tell you that it is you I truly adore. And that there is nothing in this world I want other than to be all that you need and more.  However, before I do there is a question that I just have to ask.  Why do you hate Black Men so much?  You don’t you say? Then I guess I’ll ask a different question, why do you hate me? I know you hate me! How do I know you ask? I know because you tell me ever so often. 

     “Fuck you, bitch ass nigga you aint shit! Your fuckin bitch ass mama aint shit!  You are a worthless piece of shit! You crazy ass, bitch ass nigga. You fuckin dog!” 

     You tell me these things and so much more every time you get upset.  Every time you get an attitude, every time we get into a disagreement you lash out at me with your bitter hatred.  Why, my Beautiful Black Woman with a hear full of hate? Why do you hate me so much?  You get so absorbed in you hatred that you refuse to listen to rhyme or reason. Many a time have I painstakingly endured your disrespect and verbal abuse, all in an effort to make you understand that all that hatred really isn’t necessary.  I’m overreacting you say, I think not. If only you could see yourself.  If only you could look into your eyes as I have and see the hate.  To feel it, seeping from your every poor with intentions to do me mental, emotional, and sometimes even physical harm.  I have never felt from my worst enemies the hatred and the animosity that you most often throw my way. Why?

     I have asked you this question before, my beautiful black woman with a heart full of hate.  Each time I pose the question you give me the same meaningless response about “niggas”.

     “Niggas are dogs! Niggas are liars! Niggas are cheaters! Niggas can’t be trusted! Niggas don’t know how to act!”

    Each time your response consists of nothing but niggas this, niggas that. You misunderstand the question my beautiful black woman with a heart full of hate. My name is not Nigga, and I don’t recall asking about you and niggas, I asked a question about you and me.  Why do you hate me so?  Your hatred and your fury know no bounds; no subject or secret is taboo. I have listened to you tell me that my dreams are meaningless because I will never accomplish them. I have revealed to you parts of myself, secrets kept from everyone save god himself, only to have you use them against me.  I have seen you display a total disregard for my personal, mental, physical and emotional well being as a whole. All I have to ask is why?

     You say that you want me to give you the world, to love and cherish you and you alone. You want me to dedicate my life to you entirely, but how can I do that my beautiful black woman with a heart full of hate.  How can I be anything more than a momentary presence in your life when I have to worry about the fact that the next time you get upset you’ll stab me in the back, as you have done oh so many times already.

     Some people say that all black people look alike.  I have never believed this to be true, but there has to be some merit to the statement seeing as how every time you look at me you see your ex.  Every time you look me in the eye you see the person who broke your heart, the person who lied to you, the person who cheated on you, you see everyone but me.  Why, my beautiful black woman with a heart full of hate. I have committed no crimes against you, yet if you had the choice, you would willingly sentence me to death.  I am far form perfect, my personality is full of flaws, and I have made mistakes in my life just as you have. But, I hoped that you would at least be able to understand that I am not out to cause you any harm. 

     My beautiful black woman with a heart full of  hate, I love you in every way a man can love a woman.  As a lover, a friend, a mother, a sister, a grandmother, an aunt, and even a cousin.  So again I ask why, why is it that you hate me so.  Again you give me some excuse about niggas, how you have been schooled to the game and as far as the reasons behind why I do what I do, you already know.  When in actuality my beautiful black woman with a heart full of hate, the only thing you truly need do, is just let go…

Sincerely,

Ty